The Deep Theory
Oftentimes traditional counseling focuses on the problem “issue” instead of the solution(s) and what is right and working in one’s life. Counseling explores the past. Significant change can be difficult to see. Life is short and progress essential. In my experience, many individuals view counseling as a safe harbor to speak what’s on their mind. Sometimes the act of talking is relief in and of itself. Nevertheless, "counseling" doesn’t encourage immediate action. "Coaching" requires a desire to take charge of your life NOW. Coaching places emphasis on the future, action, and implementing tools into your life rather than getting stuck in the past and regretting what’s done. Coaching may not always be easy. Striving towards any meaningful goal is not without effort. I combine counseling and coaching services because the two are linked. Sometimes it is critical and important to briefly examine the past to understand and accept how you arrived to this point in your life. Patterns may need to shift if they are unhealthy. Being aware of these patterns is essential to incorporating new approaches into your life.
Over the past two-and-a-half decades an epidemic has surfaced. Have a problem? Go to a therapist, shrink, counselor, coach. These terms are more or less used interchangeable despite differences in their range of authority. When working with clients, I foster a lateral relationship. I am not here to tell you what to do (if you’re a veteran, I think you’ve experienced enough of having someone order you around). Most clients choose someone with whom he or she feels comfortable. Title is less important than skillsets and rapport. There are many reasons why an individual seeks support. I ask you to examine your reasons for 1. Seeking services at this time 2. Why you are choosing me and 3. Where you feel you are in terms of needing more counseling or coaching. Remember, counseling looks to the past. Coaching emphasizes the future.
People are often so focused on their problems and fixing or alleviating their symptoms that they miss out on living. The solution is right NOW. Not five minutes ahead or two hours in the past. Every minute we focus on what’s wrong or bothering us it creates a string of seconds that become minutes, that in turn form hours and days, and sometimes years, which we can never reclaim.
Life is not about being happy. It is about experiencing something to the fullest. If you chase after happiness, you’ll always be chasing after the next rainbow.
If you have the flu, experience that flu to the fullest so you know it intimately. Sickness is akin to being drunk. Inhibitions fall away. Our bodies are so tired that mentally we can’t protest. We are more of our true selves focusing on the smallest tasks. Even walking to the toilet hurts because every joint aches or our head pounds. If sick in the winter, then the toilet seat is ice cold to our fevered bodies and the sensation sends a powerful jolt of discomfort through our haunches. It is exhausting just to empty our bowels or bladder. When physically ill, all energy is used for basic tasks which we overlook and take for granted on healthy days. Once you’ve survived the flu, you never want to experience it again. But imagine never knowing it. Sometimes a single experience is enough. Contrast is essential. You can’t value the experience of being healthy if you’ve never been sick.
In the field of counseling, theories are trendy, borrowed, or rediscovered with a new name. Presently, new techniques are coming out all the time. Some have excellent stories of success. It all depends on the client and his or her needs.
A true expert, in any given field, knows that the more he or she lives and experiences life, the less he truly knows. An ‘expert’, if he be real, will say to himself, “Why does this person turn to me? I, too, am merely human." Experience continues to teach me. There may be patterns and theories to call upon, but there will always be outliers, variables to those patterns and theories. I am here to listen and understand you so that I can assist in helping you expand awareness.
I invite you to question and examine what you think you know. Trust with your gut, not your ears or eyes. Hide nothing from yourself. Then the work may begin.